“It's not what's happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.”-A. Robbins
This time last year I had opted to decelerate and continue my medical education on a 5 year schedule. This evoked feelings of shame, fear, inadequacy, etc. Was this really the path for me? Why wasn’t I able to keep up with the rigorous schedule like the rest of the M1 students? Test after test resulted in subpar scores. I almost became numb to it and just accepted that I was going to fail. That’s hard to come to terms with when you are accustomed to being at the top of your class. I heard rumors of classmates complaining the curriculum was too easy and didn’t challenge them. Imagine hearing that after failing countless exams. I felt so dumb and undeserving of my spot in my class and the scholarships and grants I received. I just keep thinking about how this has always been my dream and now that I was there, I was hitting a brick wall continuously. Every time I failed an exam I would try to change my study approach but to no avail. What was the problem? WHY me??? I knew my parents were disappointed. Not in me. Just in the fact that I was having a hard time. They could hear the defeat in my voice and it affected them. They never stopped having my back though and I appreciate them for that. By reflecting on the past year, I realize that I was emotionally suffering from family situations and I was suffering in the new isolated environment in which I had to function. Iowa is not exactly the big city life that I love. The diversity is kind of there but struggling in a major way. The weather is not for me. The winter blues are really all! I found myself depressed and reconsidering my career. Things got really bad the next semester and almost led to my dismissal. That WAS NOT an option for me. I promised my school that I knew what my issues were and I would make it a priority to overcome them. Fall 2009 was a chance for me to prove my potential to ALL of those that doubted me previously. I studied behind off for my first biochemistry test. Actually I started over summer break by making study sheets for the first 5 lectures. So when school started, I hit the ground runnin!! LOL. I took the time I previously thought I didn’t have to make online flashcards on Quizlet.com for EVERY word in the lecture notes. I mean these first classes are pure memorization. So I spent mad time on those and quizzed myself a million times. Guess what?? I passed my first exam!! I was on cloud 9 because I was on a roll. You know I passed every exam this semester?? I have never felt so good about myself. Life this semester was a lot happier because I was motivating myself by performing well. Less depression, less doubt, less recalculating life. More smiles, more fun, more encouragement, etc. I promised myself that I would keep my spot at Carver College of Medicine because I could never stray away from my dreams due to an inability to stuff info in my head. I made it this far…why should I have to turn around? I will NOT!! Where there’s a will, there’s a way beleeeeeev that (LOL jk). So I ask you..What are you most passionate about? What is keeping you from living your passion? Have you considered doing whatever it takes to fulfill your dreams?
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